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Following Newcastle's 4-3 Carling Cup victory in extra time over Championship side Nottingham Forest on Tuesday in which Peter Lovenkrands scored a brace, Loverboy decided to speak out against Newcastle supporters who have been lamenting their club's luck of a Number 9 type scorer:
I came in up front and scored two goals, so it kind of proves a point that I'm ready if needed. That was really my goal - to try to prove that I'm ready to play if they need me. A lot of people are saying, 'We need strikers, we need strikers,' but I scored two and we scored two more from defenders afterwards, so we can score goals pretty much all over the pitch and we showed that. We probably should have done a wee bit better defensively, but that's down to us all from the front to the back.
[via MirrorFootball]
Lovenkrands seems more than a bit annoyed at recent rhetoric - and who can blame him? It has to suck to be a striker at a club where people keep saying over and over that there are no strikers. So I decided to see if Lovenkrands' goals would speak for themselves. The conversation happens after the jump.
Me: Welcome, thanks for granting us this interview.
Peter: A pleasure, as always. I don't really get to a lot of these, so...
Me: I'm sorry, I was actually talking to your goals, not you.
Peter: ...
Me: Hello?
Peter: Yes, I'm here. I just don't know what you mean.
Me: Well, your goals. I've been told they speak for themselves.
Peter: You know that's an expression, right?
Me: Hey listen, if your goals can't talk, I don't know that this will be necess...
Peter: No, no, no, wait! I've got it right here. (changes voice slightly) Um, hello. All 97 of me are here.
Me: 97, wow. That's quite a number.
Peter: Oh, you know it. I know lots of strikers that would love to have my number. Javier Hernandez, Mario Balotelli, Gervinho, Andy Carroll...
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were going to interrupt me.
Me: Nope.
Peter: Well, that's about it.
Me: Those players are all younger than you, and they've played far fewer games than you have.
Peter: Hey, don't try to bring rate stats into this! Statistics don't belong in the beautiful game!
Me: So your goal total doesn't really matter?
Peter: Sorry, you're cutting out, can't hear you. Terrible service where I am.
Me: So your goal total doesn't really matter?
Peter: Still can't hear you. Look, I helped the team win. Without my two goals, they would have been on the wrong side of the scoreline.
Me: One of those goals was a penalty.
Peter: I have got to get a new cell phone provider. I'll just say this: You'd rather have a guy that can score goals out there over a guy who can't score goals.
Me: So you're saying that Newcastle supporters should be happy that Demba Ba was the only one brought in?
Peter: What have you got against me?
Me: Well, where do I start? You've only played 72 minutes in the Premier League so far, and in that time you've only managed to touch the ball 11 times. 6 of your 7 completed passes have been backward, you've created zero chances, and your one shot was a gimme that you managed to push off-target. In fact, I'm trying to figure out exactly what it is you do while you're on the pitch.
Peter: Oh, that I do have an answer for. I make runs! Runs are important!
Me: You're always offside.
Peter: Because I'm making runs!
Me: And doing what else, exactly?
Peter: Well, I've got to go! During the week I make money impersonating Barry Pepper at events. Some kid is having a WWII themed birthday party, so I'm going to show up in the middle and snipe some dude through his scope. If I don't get going, I'll be late.
Me: It's good to know you'll be playing the part of a sniper for at least part of the week, anyway.
Peter: Huh?
Me: Well, it was great to speak to you. One last question: You were making a different voice when I spoke with your goals, weren't you?
Peter: (sheepishly) Yes.
Me: So they don't actually speak for themselves?
Peter: Uh, uh, uh. You said one more question. I don't have to answer that.
Me: That's what I thought.