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INSTANT REACTION: Manchester City Demolish Sorry Toon (Insert Integer) - 0

Anybody who didn't see this coming has probably had a car smashed by a freight train.

Alan Pardew used the next available finger at Newcastle fans today.
Alan Pardew used the next available finger at Newcastle fans today.
Alex Livesey

Newcastle United started the day off in 13th place in the table with a belief that they are closer to safety than they are to the drop. Anyone who has supported the Toon for any amount of time can fill in the narrative from there. With the away leg of their Europa League quarterfinal looming, Alan Pardew fielded his "we're signing these points away to City guaranteed to fail counter attacking lineup of doom™" and employed his "let City run at us all match and maybe they won't figure out that we're not really good at defending™" tactics.

The first 20 minutes of the match were somewhat encouraging - Newcastle were pressing the ball and making things generally difficult for City, even if they weren't managing to put much pressure on Joe Hart's goal (aside from Cissé's tight angle shot that clanged off the outside of the post). As the first half continued, however, Newcastle became more and more slack with 10 men with 20 yards of the goal. The predictable was bound to happen, and it did.

In the 41st minute, Carlos Tevez put City in the lead finishing at the back post having beaten Jonas Gutierrez to the ball. It was 2-0 before the break as David Silva easily beat Newcastle's 10-man back line. Newcastle had a 10-minute purple patch at the beginning of the second half (who would have guessed that we would a) play decently or b) it wouldn't last?)

In the _(insert minute here)_ minute, _(insert City player here)_ scored to be followed by a goal from _(insert City player_. Newcastle nearly got a shot off in the _(insert minute here)_ minute but didn't and then sat back for the remaining _(insert number here)_ minutes, seeing additional goals for City scored by (use as needed) _(City player), _(City player)_, _(City player)_, _(City player)_ and _(City player)_.

We all would have figured that Alan Pardew would have written this match off, but to have not even tried is troubling when in addition to taking nothing from the match, our sterling goal differential took a hit of _(insert total City goals here)_.