Toon Crier: Nearing the End edition

Hey, the site is back! I had a lot of difficulty getting onto here and other SB Nation sites the past few days. Glad to see that's back in order. On to the links!

Perhaps the biggest "story" while the site was down was Sports Direct reporting that Newcastle would try and sign Wayne Rooney. This is all sorts of fun because not only does it personally get me excited for silly season, but this one story exemplifies silly season (an open transfer window, for those in the dark). Sports Direct is owned by Newcastle owner Mike Ashley, and has put out a report saying, what do you know, Newcastle are seriously in contention for landing a big summer signing. I'm skeptical for now. (Though I'm skeptical about everything I hear. I'll bet if you dig hard enough, every Newcastle player is linked with some other club, and every decent footballer in the world is linked to Newcastle, doubly so if they're French!)

Also skeptical: The Belfast Telegraph, who lines out this bizarre story.

With Arsenal needing a win to guarantee Champion's League football next season, Alan Pardew says all the pressure is on his counter-point, Arsene Wenger.

Speaking of Pardew, he got in hot water with some supporters for burning his toast, saying, "I don't really care if Arsenal beat us 4-0." I didn't hear the comments, but have heard he made them tongue in cheek. Still, considering the lack of effort the last month or so, maybe this was a joke Pards would like to have back.

Perhaps as a follow-up,Pardew says he wants to put on a show for the Geordie faithful on Sunday.

This could be Fabricio Coloccini's last match at Newcastle. Personally, I hope not. His return has made the back line look so much better. The Argentine will sit down with representatives at the the end of the season and assess his options.

Speaking of Captain Colo, he hosted a party this week. The lads seem to be having a good time, but this brought up the whole "divided camp" arguments again.

Steve Harper is set to leave the club, and he says Newcastle must stop their bipolar ways. Harper has been with the club for 20 years. Thanks to Tim Krul's injury and Rob Elliot's red card last week, Harper gets the start in net.

Tim Krul was named player of the season by supporters.

Fans seem to enjoy the transport options to St. James' Park, as a survey ranks Newcastle United as best in the Premier League for accessibility. Newcastle beat out Arsenal and Fulham for the top spot. I imagine we'll widen that margin quite a bit if they do install those slides.

Brad Inman scored twice and drew a penalty as the NUFC reserves got a big 6-0 win over Consett.

One Direction, the band known best for singing marginally better than Drew Breese (debatable) will head to Sunderland for a concert, instead of Newcastle. Is it football related? No. Is it news? Someone thinks it is.