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Newcastle's Transfer Window So Far

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It might look like Newcastle haven't done anything this summer, but don't forget the gates!

When your team fails to sign anybody, you're forced to resort to posting photos of the manager on your articles.
When your team fails to sign anybody, you're forced to resort to posting photos of the manager on your articles.
Ian MacNicol

Newcastle are the only Premier League team not to sign a senior player so far this summer, but that doesn't mean that we can't reset the transfer window on this, the day the club leaves for Portugal for training camp. Who's out, and who's in? Relive the drama below.

Steve Harper - OUT

Hull City recently announced that they have signed Harper on a free. A testimonial has been scheduled for Harper at St James' Park during the international break in September.

James Perch - OUT

Perch left Newcastle for Wigan, leaving Alan Pardew short a utility player. We will miss you, Department Store Mannequin Quintet James Perch.

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Danny Simpson - OUT

Simpson is now at QPR, where he can hit the clubs with Tulisa whenever he wants.

Olivier Kemen - IN

Poor Stringer Bell. All everybody wants to talk about is that Newcastle haven't signed anybody. Of course, when your arrival picture contains reserve team manager Peter Beardsley, expectations must be managed.

Joe Kinnear - IN

Since his appointment, Kinnear has offended at least two of his players by mispronouncing their names, taken shots at the media for the way they treated him last time around, sent a friend to a fans meeting in his stead to face angry questions so he wouldn't have to, scuppered a (free!) move for a defender that's been in the works for over a year because he didn't know enough about him, caused the highly touted Chief Scout to consider leaving, and taken a two-week holiday. All in a month's work.

Wonga - IN

Kudos to Mike Ashley, who pulled off a shrewd business move when he convinced payday loan company Wonga to pay him to change back the name of the stadium that he renamed in the first place. Reports vary wildly about the value of the deal - anywhere from £3-15 million - but whatever the price, the sponsorship did raise some interesting questions. Is it possible for a club with no soul to sell it? And if so, what's the interest rate?

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The Gates - IN

Olivier Kemen was three years old the last time these gates were seen at St James' Park, which might make them the most senior signing of the summer. See, the Wonga sponsorship is paying off!

Haris Vuckic, Fabricio Coloccini, Tim Krul, Cheik Tiote - They're going to be like new signings!

Kill me now.