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AS Robert pointed out yesterday, in modern day Newcastle United, we can't have nice things. In recent years, the January transfer window has been particularly effective in driving home this point. In recent years, January has seen the lucrative departure of the likes of Andy Carroll (£35,000,000/10-11), Demba Ba (£7,500,000/12-13) and Yohan Cabaye (£20,000,000/13-14). Carroll and Ba had no transfer fee to recoup as an academy product and a free signing respectively while Cabaye – if you believe the £20m transfer number – represented a 300% profit on the £5m that it cost to bring Cabaye to St. James' Park during the summer of 2011. In the old South Park Underpants Gnome Theory Of Economics, the business model is something as thus:
- Buy young players of rising reputation
- ??? (where ??? = Survive in Midtable Mediocrity thus ensuring continued moneys from the Premier League while driving prized assets away due to lack of ambition)
- Profit
Once again, it looks as though we must resign ourselves to the departure of one of the only players in this season's squad that has performed at a relatively high level as Moussa Sissoko (SURPRISE!) has been strongly linked with Arsenal (SURPRISE!) in a move that early rumors are suggesting to be around £17,000,000 which would represent a return of over 700% of the £2,500,000 it cost to bring him in desperation to stave off relegation fears during the 2012/13 season (SURPRISE?).
The timing could not dovetail more nicely for Alan Pardew and Mike Ashley as prized Dutch signing Siem de Jong will be returning to action in the new year. Don't get confused at all. Siem de Jong is no more a like-for-like replacement for Moussa Sissoko than Moussa was for Yohan Cabaye. It does give Alan Pardew a hole in which he can put de Jong without displacing any of his favored players who have been marginal at best this season. In the world of Mike Ashley, however, the opportunity couldn't present itself more beautifully. The profit will be too much to pass up while we will be left to polish off our skills at using fingernails to cling with all we've got to that cash cow that is Premier League existence.