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A Fairytale Of NewCastle

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As the Christmas holiday approaches, tunesmithing to this song just seemed appropriate

Mike Coppola/Getty Images

So it's Christmas time and certain unalienable truths are expressing themselves once again.  Newcastle are not and never will be a top-six side under Mike Ashley and Alan Pardew.  We rediscover that, despite his failings, Shane MacGowan wrote a masterpiece in Fairytale of New York.  I rediscover that I love Russian Christmas Music by Alfred Reed, but that's a symphonic band geek thing, so... if you have 15 minutes to spare and are also so afflicted...  At any rate, it's a combination of the first two items that thrust me towards what I am gifting you for Christmas.  If you are unaware of Fairytale of New York, please first check over this handy study guide:

Once you have familiarized yourself with the tune, please enjoy my tunesmithed version below.  I started out differentiating voices through italics but obviously that was not sustainable... With my sincerest apologies to Mr. MacGowan, Happy Christmas!

It was Christmas Eve, babe

at St. James' Park.

An old man said to me

just like the last one

and then he sang a song

the rare old Geordie tune

I turned my face away

and dreamed of glory gone

Got on a lucky one

We beat Chelsea at home

Man City, Tottenham

Fell victim to us, too

So Happy Christmas

We lost the Derby

I yearn for a better time

when all our dreams come true

Southampton's got cash

and they've got catchment too

there's no sense in competing

just maintain good enough

IF we get all those Geordies to quiet their noise

we'll increase our measure of St. James' Park joys

We're unlucky

You're rubbish

despite this we love you

We'll follow you forev'r and down to Swansea

We pack in the Emirates, in Old Trafford too- were

loud in the Lane when admission was won

We full love you all from birth to death

forever black and white

despite our yearly loss

down in the shite

We're selling

Sissoko

You do

then we won't go

no more excuses

for Pardew again

48 is a pipe dream

we're not a top six team

Why can't you concede it

that 10th is enough?

We full love you all from birth to death

forever black and white

despite our yearly loss

down in the shite