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Choose your own synonym for "bad": An instant reaction to Stoke City 1, Newcastle United 0

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Rate the players' performances in Newcastle's most recent loss.

Laurence Griffiths

Two things you should know about this match:

(1) Around the 80th minute, Cabaye was trending on Twitter in Newcastle.

(2) In the waning moments, Fabricio Coloccini was trying to take on two men on the right wing, 80 yards away from his own goal.

2014 has been the worst calendar year for Newcastle United in quite some time. If you follow the team, you know the statistics. This match, despite the scoreline, might be the worst one we've seen them play, and the worst we've seen Alan Pardew manage. The starting lineup was a non-starter - surely there's not a person left in the United Kingdom that thinks Emmanuel Rivière can have an impact as a lone striker - and Pardew compounded it by making like-for-like substitutions, none of which could have possibly fixed Newcastle's problems in the final third.

It was a dire match. Again. I wonder whose fault it is this time. Over to you, Pards.