4 wins, 1 draw, 10 losses in all competitions. Over the matches stretching from New Year's Day to the first match in April, that was Alan Pardew's record. Perhaps it's a memo from the "Be careful what you wish for" Department or perhaps it's further confirmation that John Carver is, in fact, Alan Pardew in disguise but the fact is that as improbable as it may seem, John Carver has taken Pardew's abysmal 2014 record and done him one better.
We need to be fair to Carver, though, as he has had two fewer matches in this same stretch. If we give him the next two matches to catch up, then maybe, just maybe he hasn't turned the comparison completely on its head right? If you think that Newcastle are likely to take points off of Liverpool and Spurs, however, you might just be as delusional as John Carver. The same John Carver who believes sitting next to Sir Bobby Robson once upon a time provides some sort of provenance that he is a Premier League manager. The same John Carver who believed that his Working Class Roots would somehow motivate a squad that he has demonstrated consistent inability to motivate.
Now that we have lost our fifth derby in a row (to three different managers!) on top of the dismal form under him, it is time for John Carver to do the honorable thing. If he truly is the Geordie Hero that he wants to be, he must stand up before the Toon Army and confess: "Lads and lasses, I have truly done my best. I have been given the dream opportunity to manage the club that I love. On the balance of the evidence, it is clear that my best is not good enough. I love this club too much to drag it down with me as I attempt to sate my personal pride. It is with a heavy heart that I resign my post at Newcastle United Football Club."
This is what SHOULD happen. Years worth of evidence suggest that Carver will be provided with every excuse that he needs to distance himself from the results. Injuries. Failed transfers in the January window. Anything to take the balance of blame off of the man who the club are likely desperate to see gain at least one hat-hanging result to justify keeping the cheapest of all possible options at the helm of Newcastle United. If he manages to succeed, he will be a happy footnote at the bottom of the balance sheet next season, a prized little asterisk that most will overlook through the forest of other financial results. If nothing changes between now and next year's financial statements – and Carver manages to stay on as head coach – our profit will automatically go from £18.7m to something like £18.8 or £18.9 (numbers fabricated, but point still valid) without having to lift a finger. As we know, that is the true measure of success around Newcastle United Football Club today. We can only hope that eventually these profits will begin to be applied toward the debt owed Mike Ashley which will pave the way for him to ... not sell the club as he's turning a nice little profit now.