Have we got it all wrong? Examining John Carver's Press Conference

Working Class John Carver™ has had his midweek press conference, and boy was it a doozy.  If you were somehow harboring thoughts that the Geordie who supposedly knew what the club was all about and would take us forward to the Lofty Heights of a top 10 finish is not at the very least delusional, he went a long way to making your position untenable.  Let's take a look at some highlights.

The Colo Letter

You may remember this from a couple days ago.  Through email and their official website, the club disseminated a letter that we were meant to believe was composed by our captain.  Largely, we didn't.  We were shown.  Not only was the letter addressed, WCJC™ had a hand-written copy of the letter!  (dunh-dunh-duuuuuuuunh!) This is, of course, supposed to be proof that the very obviously PR-written letter was in fact the work of The Captain Who Doesn't Care.  I can imagine the conversations behind the scenes:

Scene: Interior, NUFC PR Headquarters

A:  So the letter's gone out, then... did they buy it?

B: (checks internet)  It doesn't look like they did, no...

A:  Crap... what can we do to fix this?!

B:  We have to more directly connect Coloccini to the letter.  What if we have Fabricio hand-write a copy of the letter?  Then we can wave it around in front of cameras as definitive proof that it wasn't us!

A:  Perfect.  Do it.  John can take it to the presser!

Outstanding.

The Siem Conundrum

This is what happens when you try to rush an injury-prone player back from a major injury (or two).  de Jong is now nursing a thigh injury and has been out for a scan.  While it's not known if this injury will preclude him from participating in the last two matches of the season, it has ruled him out of participation in the coming weekend's match against West Bromwich Albion.  If you were of the hope that Siem would eventually be able to play a full 90 and hold the key to unlock that vital goal that would finally earn us a win... sadly no.

What John Carver and Muhammad Ali Have In Common

I don't really know where to start on this one.  It has been well discussed that Newcastle's form since the new year has been particularly awful.  The results are there for everyone to see when one looks at the table.  Our club are in the worst form in the entire Football League.  AGAIN. That fact, however, has not deterred our fearless, working class, Geordie hero.

I still think I’m the best coach in the Premier League. That’s what I think. Now there’s nothing wrong with that, but I still do. If I have the right tools, I can do the job. I’m doing the job to the best of my ability at the moment and I’ll continue doing that for the next three weeks.

--Louise Taylor, The Guardian

Look, there have been challenges.  The squad has been out of balance and ill-equipped to withstand injury for years.  Even though these are indeed facts, it is also a fact that the club haven't won a match since February.  They haven't even been close.  Being a good coach is much more than thinking you know the culture of your club.  It is more than thinking you know Xs and Os.  If you really DO know your Xs and Os, you can overcome obstacles in your way at least once in eight matches.  (Note to John: Do you recollect what happened when we went up against a club with similar defensive selection problems to ourselves recently?  Seems they knocked three by us and we were shut out.  That's not good coaching.)  John Carver was meant to "pick the club up by the bootstraps" and use his Working Class roots to draw from during the hard times.  As it has played out, he has done neither of these things, and he's getting more detached from reality with every passing day.

"I am the greatest! I'm the greatest thing that ever lived... I must be the greatest. I showed the world. I talk to God everyday. I shook up the world, I'm the king of the world. You must listen to me. I am the greatest! I can't be beat!"

--Muhammad Ali

What do John Carver and Muhammad Ali have in common?  Exactly nothing.  Carver talks a lot to try to convince people that he is greater than he is.  There is a track record there to be seen and it doesn't matter where you're from or who you've worked with in your career.  It is what it is.  Ali talked a lot... but he had the chops to back it up.