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Watch! Cringe! Cry! Newcastle United v. Aston Villa "Highlights"

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An intern died to bring you this video. Probably. Don't let them die in vain. Watch it.

Stu Forster/Getty Images

Somewhere in the bowels of the NBC Sports complex, they (likely in violation of the Geneva Conventions or at the very least basic human decency) locked someone (probably an intern*) in a closet with a dictate.  You must watch the Aston Villa/Newcastle United match and come up with a highlight package.  It must be at least 2 minutes long.  And it can't be a loop of the players leaving the pitch.  Also out of play: beach ball footage over a total of 3 seconds.

I have no way to know if that poor soul survived this assignment.  Perhaps this is one for their file of "back before I got established, I had to shovel the muck out of horse stalls" kind of stories.  More likely, it affected this poor soul in the same way that the Swamp of Sadness affected Artax.  We'll never see or hear from that poor soul again, I'd wager.  Anyway, there is a highlight reel and you should not let this poor soul's death be in vain.

WATCH!

As Papiss Cisse mishits a strike and it bounces harmlessly to Mark Bunn!

CRINGE!

As Jack Colback put a gilt-edged chance into Row Z!

CRY!

As Aleksandar Mitrovic was unable to apply the finishing touch to Cheik Tiote's improbable overhead through-ball!

POUR ONE OUT!

For the bones of a once glorious football club.

*it is possible that no intern died in the process of producing this video. I'm just saying that if I ran a multi-national sports broadcast conglomerate I'd farm this kind of thing out to an intern.  And they would probably die.