Newcastle “Interested” in Young French Star

While at the World Cup and scouting the likes of Ki and Fabian Schar, sources close to the club say that Newcastle scouts were discussing French phenom Kylian Mbappe, when Mike Ashley chimed in saying that the young French star was a player he would be interested in.

Ashley was completely oblivious to the fact that Mbappe, possibly the most expensive prospect in the world, was not a player they were scouting for Newcastle because his asking price would likely be one third of the value of the club. Nonetheless, Ashley insisted that scouts keep an eye on the young Frenchman, in case he decided this was a player he wanted to bring to the Northeast.

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Ashley’s interest waned once he found out the starlet, who was only 19 at the time, would cost more than 10m, exclaiming “It doesn’t make sense to pay over 15m for any player, especially if they are not proven talent for a big club!”

Interest reportedly has spiked due to Ashley finding out that Mbappe is now 20 years old. In the eyes of Ashley this means that Mbappe is now a more mature player and possibly worth more than 10m. This of course comes only months after rejecting a potential move for Mbappe for being too young.

The PSG star has 28 goals, and 8 assists across all competitions. His 28 goals are double the amount Newcastle have this season which is not only impressive, but also incredibly sad for Newcastle.

Ashley seems to think that Mbappe might actually be a good player and would be a solid player for the club going forward. More importantly, Ashley believes he will be able to sell Mbappe for at least double his value in a few years, which is certainly very appealing to the businessman

We of course will keep you up to date regarding this transfer saga, and the interest in Mbappe. Another name Ashley is interested in is a Portuguese player by the name of Cristiano Ronaldo, the main conflict in the eyes of Ashley is that the player is far too old to justify paying such high wages.

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If you cannot see that this is satire you might want to reconsider all of your life choices. Please don’t make this an actual rumor.