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BREAKING NEWS: Rafa Benitez Joins Instagram

Fact: We here at CHN are incredibly bored

AFC Bournemouth v Newcastle United - Premier League
“Why isn't this feed in chronological order, who’s idea was this?”

After a slow start to the summer, we finally have some great news. Rafa Benetiz has finally joined Instagram. I do know what you are thinking, “why are we talking about this?”

Well to be frank, there is simply nothing else to talk about. We have spent a whopping 4m pounds on transfers this summer, bringing back Dubravka and making a “Ki” signing. Other than those two signings, Newcastle once again have been reluctant to meet the valuations placed on their transfer targets. This is obviously frustrating as a fan to watch, but probably even more frustrating to watch if you are Rafa Benetiz. This is the 3rd summer in a row Rafa has been promised a large transfer kitty, and the 3rd summer in a row where Mike Ashley has ssat back and not fulfilled his promise.

This summer has seemingly gone to crap as Rafa has not moved any closer to signing a contract yet, we seemingly can’t afford any of our targets, there has been uncertainty over the future of key players, and to start the preseason we only have 18 outfield players. It has gotten to the point where we have had to sign 6 youth players to first team contracts in order to have enough players to begin preseason training.

There has been a lot of negativity surrounding this transfer window, so it is only right (for our own sanity) that we take a step back and focus on the positive things that have happened this summer such as Rafa Benitez joining Instagram.

Rafa’s official Twitter account made the announcement of Rafa joining Instagram yesterday, and Rafa’s first few posts are a telling sign that this Instagram might be the best thing to be announced this summer.

So far the account has amassed over 33,000 followers, has 4 posts, 1,511 comments and over 35,000 total likes. Any social media influencer would cringe at the fact that Rafa has made 3 posts in one day, but those blokes can piss off because this Instagram is one of the greatest things to ever grace this planet.

One could say this Instagram has served as a beacon of hope for fans who have been clouded in the despair caused by the reign of Mike Ashley. This Instagram, much like a deus ex machina, comes at a perfect time especially since there has been concerns about the happiness of the Spaniard as the usually vocal manager has been very quiet so far this summer. Most importantly, the new Instagram account is just funny. The innocence of an older man joining a social media platform of any type is always entertaining, and Rafa has not let us down.

Like any illogical blogger, I of course felt the need to analyze all 4 of Rafa’s Instagram posts because I do have nothing better to do with my time. If you are still reading this story by this point, you also have nothing better to do with your time, so you might as well keep reading.

Rafa’s posts are going to be ranked out of ten and will of course have analysis for each post. It’s unlikely any of Rafa’s posts are going to be below a ten.

Post #1 - 13/10

This is the perfect way to kick off your Instagram career. You are always going to do well with people when you show them you have dogs. Especially if you have dog as cute as these. Come on, just look at these dogs!

Rafa also gets brownie points by letting us fans know that we should not be concerned that we have not heard from him, as he has been on holiday.

Anyway, back to the dogs. The names he has for his dogs are great as well. Red, Goofy and Clem sound like amazing doggos and I honestly hope that this Instagram features them at least once a week. We need to know everything about these dogs Rafa, so please give us that adorable doggy content we all want. The sheer fact that this post features dogs is what makes it a 13/10 for me. I love dogs, and I love this post..

Post #2 - 11/10

Well if you were wondering what holiday looks like for Rafa, you know now. It evidently involves Rafa in a blazer when it is hot outside and staged pictures of Rafa on the phone with someone who is not Mike Ashley given that Rafa looks happy in these photos.

Rafa mentioning that he has been working during his holiday is a positive. I hardly think it involved him making fake phone calls in a puma outfit, but it is good to know that the gaffer is always working even when his superiors are not.

I had to dock some points because of the obviously staged phone photos, but Rafa still lands an 11/10 for this post due to the fact that the landscapes Benitez uses in the background are absolutely gorgeous, and the fact that Rafa worked in some product placement for Puma without fans even noticing.

Post #3 - 14/10

This is my favorite post so far. It isn't in English, but the basic gist is Rafa celebrating his former club Valencia. This is obviously not only really cool of him to celebrate and pay homage to Valencia, but also that it is an ultimate “balls out” move. Rafa is essentially just bragging about his accomplishments, and that is what social media is for.

We as a society only post things on social media, especially Instagram, to brag about how cool our lives are. Rafa cuts to the chase and just lets us know that he has won La Liga twice and has a UEFA Cup to his name with Valencia

For those interested the post roughly translates to :

Yesterday was the beginning, officially, of the celebrations of the ‘Centenary of Valencia CF’. That is why I want to congratulate the Valencian people, the Valencianists from all over the world and the entire ‘ché’ family in a very special anniversary for all.

Post #4 - 12/10

Well Matt Ritchie’s hair alone in this post makes it worth more than a ten. That is just wow.

It is of course also wonderful to see all of the players returning for preseason training, and it is pure class from Rafa to give us some photos of him and the lads. To see Rafa smiling again is always going to warm the hearts of the fans, even if Mike Ashley is somehow still in charge of the club.

Rafa’s new Instagram has produced a lot of quality tweets from the Toon Army, so as a bonus for you reading this article until the end I have thrown a few of my favorites below.

One of the coolest parts about Rafa’s Instagram is that his social media team are actually responding to comments and liking comments whether or not it is appropriate to do so.

Not surprised here that Rafa is a simple man when it comes to food.

Here are some more comments from his social media team. The fan interaction Rafa has at Newcastle is great, and is something that a lot of other fan-bases should be jealous of.

People of course also had general comments to say about Rafa and this Instagram, that are nothing short of the truth. The guy really is out here living his best life.

Finally, I had to throw this tweet in here because it has probably the most truthful tweet on Twitter right now.