West Ham 1-5 Newcastle — Match Report: Gong, Gong, Gong, Gong, Gong!

Newcastle United flew to London for a midweek game, stomped West Ham 5-1 on their home turf, and paid tribute to the late Queen Elizabeth II on this postponed match part of the Premier League MD7 slate of matches.

The stomping was better watched by those at home than those watching live on location, though, considering the Hammers Olympic stadium is definitely not the best to enjoy some footie game.

There was, however, no need to skip celebrations. Your Magpies retained possession of their wonderful third place in the Premier League, kept their Champions League dream alive and well, and enjoyed an extraordinary performance by a couple of “newcomers” with Callum Wilson and Joelinton not starting against Man Utd last weekend but bagging a brace each on Wednesday’s trip to the capital.

Alexander Isak (who else?) added the fifth goal after a blunder (how apt?) by West Ham’s defense.

At the end of the day, Newcastle Macarena’d their way toward earning three more points, getting 53 on 28 games and still sitting in third position tied on points with Man Utd (who defeated Brentford 1-0) with a 26 GD to the Red Devils’ five-GD.

Photo by Alex Pantling/Getty Images

Wilson and Joelinton took just 13 minutes to dent the scoreboard with a magic goal each. West Ham cut that difference in half thanks to a goal by Kurt Zouma on the verge of halftime.

That was all the Hammers did, though, as they went through a demolishing trouncing through a second half that ended up painted solely in black and white.

West Ham, who entered Wednesday’s game having won three of their last four matches in all competitions—including two Conference League matchups—could do nothing to stop a rotated-but-stout Magpies squad that dropped the Hammers to a dreadful 15th place in the standings with David Moyes’ mob having 27 points in 28 games and only escaping the relegation zone “thanks” to a putrid minus-13 GD that is somehow better than the marks posted by Everton, Nott Forest, and Bournemouth, all tied with West Ham in the points column.

Speaking after the game, Callum Wilson—who has scored 12 goals against West Ham throughout his career—said that “sometimes you have teams you enjoy playing against.” You bet.

“I wanted to make a statement and show everyone I’m still here,” added Wilson.

Photo by Vince Mignott/MB Media/Getty Images

The very own Wilson scored Newcastle’s third goal in the first minute of the second period and Joelinton bagged the fifth and final goal almost at the buzzer. Isak scored a lob in the 82nd minute to put the cherry on top of a wonderful evening in the rainy capital.

David Moyes was able to retain his position as manager of the Hammers and lived to see another day in the post, though another bad result against Fulham this weekend might end his days in London and have him looking for new locations to set up camp next summer.

“I would have left as well,” Moyes said about those leaving the London Stadium early, “but the players were working as hard as they could and their effort was fantastic.”

If you say so, Moyesy.